Women have been giving birth since ... well ... since before we were even mammals - yet science is still trying to find ways to improve upon the process. Have pain killers, fertility drugs, bizarre surgical techniques, musical breathing, and all the rest really done anything positive?

It really grates on me when the midwestern sow who gave birth to a litter of, like, eighteen premature piglets attributes it to "God's will" when she's been guzzling biochemical slurpees for the past two years - and the same excuse is tendered when a crack mother in Detroit ejects a snot-gurgling retard with three eyes and harelip.

It's not divine influence ...
... it's poetic justice.

Granted, the part of my brain that could fathom the mechanics of offspring excretion went south instead, but is it really all that difficult? Just whistle a happy tune, grunt a couple of times, and aim for something soft.

... and if it has two heads, leave it in the woods.