At first blush, the vestiges of primitive cultures in modern civilization seem like needless idiosynchracies - but examined more closely, the practical benefits become clear. The rituals of Kosher cuisine promote sanitation; foot-washing ensures that at least some part of a Lutheran gets bathed periodically; and wrapping Muslim women in sackcloth prevents Arabs from becoming extinct.

And then who'd grow our pistachios?

While it's a little bit ironic that they revile America as the "great satan" but will gladly accept our money, that's nothing new. It's much the same attitude that welfare recipients and students at public universities take against their own "evil capitalist" patrons. All things considered, either the Arabs are progressing or we're regressing towards a point where we'll finally be equals.

... though they'll probably need to start wearing
trousers before we'll acknowledge that.

Maybe then, we'll be willing to overlook their silly little accents and names like Mahab-Surigeth Al Ahkbar Farht Nokkir Mohammed Saleem Nuk-nuk Djarwalli so long as they keep their spotty, big-nosed daughters under wraps.