I can't decide which troubles me more: the fact that a pair of pubescent pariahs could get hold of enough firepower to demolish a school, or the fact the backlash threatens to demolish a basic right I'm more than passing fond of. It's not about the gun thing - it's about individuality: the right to be yourself, the right not to fit in with the pathetic brainless saps who, unfortunately, compose the majority.

... the right to be mopey.

At this moment, dimwitted matrons are desperately scribbling on flowered stationery, penning letters that will be read by the assistants to aides of state congressmen. With flowing strokes and little circles over each "i," they'll demand that normality be enforced by law. They want it to be a misdemeanor to frown, a felony to grunt in dissatisfaction. Force people to dress square and have a Disneyland attitude - and if they refuse, pump them so full of happy pills they'll turn into Hootie fans. Of course, if these same dimwits had thought things through in the first place, they'll realize they never should have been so upset about drugs.

Let the disgruntled sedate themselves.

They'll clutch at every straw looking for something to fault - alternative music, video games, television - never approaching the real root of society's ills: when people who've lost control of their bladders take control of government, nothing good can happen. As for you, Mopey Joe, better practice smiling until you're old enough to vote. If you can't manage it, think of this: you don't need to kill them, just bide your time. At your ten-year reunion, casually mention you might consider buying insurance, then watch them trample each other.