What do televangelists and poodles have in common? They both survive by begging scraps off of old women. Of course, televangelists don't have to lick the spittle off the lips of their patrons so the latter can feel like they're getting a "kiss" from their precious little parasite—but if they did, I bet they'd spend the better part of the day eating their own feces, too. At least they'd have a cogent reason for engaging in that practice.

Besides Luke 22:17.

Granted, both get better than scraps, at least until Social Security goes belly-up: I saw a commercial the other day for a "pet" food that comes in flavors like "marinated rabbit with porcini mushrooms" and "tenderloin with burgundy sauce and capers." Whatever happened to the days when pet foods labeled "made with real meat" contained hooves, snouts, and rectums? Nowadays, the choice cuts are reserved for yapping throw-pillows while the working class have to eat the spare parts.

... on a bun with onions and mustard.

It makes me acutely uncomfortable to have to agree with Marx—because when it comes to politics, you'd be better off following the teachings of Bugs Bunny—but I have to concede that there's something entirely wrong with a system in which a large portion of resources are extorted from the productive members of society and given to the useless members of society in order that it should be used to pamper man-made members of the animal kingdom.

Like there were ever wild poodles.

This will probably tick off the environmentalists (who are mostly Marxists, and who do revere the teachings of Bugs Bunny), but I think the world would be better off without terriers and "toy" anythings. I just don't see how they serve any valid function in society or the ecosystem, and they certainly aren't particularly welcome by anyone who does. If it goes down any better, maybe we could return them to the wild, let them roam New Zealand or some other uninhabited rock, where they can hunt, kill, and eat snooty old women who are shipped there for exactly that purpose.