I've already scheduled a day off from work for the premiere of Dungeons and Dragons, the movie. It's not that I plan to actually see the film, if you can call it that — but I could not be dragged away from the opportunity to stand outside the theater on opening day. Every wiccan, goth, mook, and other species of societal detritus will be queued up around the block, all decked out in their finest crushed velvet and aluminum foil costumes.

Loser-palooza!

I expect to see scores of geekettes in chain-mail bikinis that they made themselves from the pull-tabs of potted meat products (which, in turn, they evidently consumed — waste not, waist not) accompanied by knights in oatmeal-box armor and fat guys in bathrobes covered with glitter and sequins. On second thought, perhaps I will buy a ticket — because if there was ever a good time to shout "fire" in a theater ...

... or set one ...

While I'm pretty sure that this will be one of those films that goes to video the day after it opens in theaters, I'm hoping it will stick around a while, maybe become a cult favorite like Rocky Horror, and provide a gathering place for this sort — because they need every opportunity to practice their social skills. So long as they can do it with each other, the rest of us will remain unoffended.